There's always some truth to myths.

Nessie. Yeti. Bigfoot. Leprechauns. Unicorns. Gummy Bears. Smurfs. The One.

What do all of these things have in common? They're all mythical creatures that are impossible to find, and so you cry out "bullshit!" when you hear that someone has tracked them down. Yet despite the lack of evidence, somewhere in the crevices of your mind, you know they're out there lurking, begging to be caught, and brought to light. Now, let's add another mythical beast to the ever-growing list. Another anomaly that maybe you've heard about, maybe you haven't, but nonetheless is out there in broad daylight taunting me, and the dozens or hundreds of others that have been privy to witness the sight!

The guy who abuses bald spot concealers.

I know what you're thinking. "WTF?? There's no such thing." But I'm telling you now there is! I saw him with my own two eyes...at Walmart. Lemme explain.



**SIDE NOTE**
Rarely am I ever caught without my camera. Ever since I was a budding photojournalist in high school, I usually try to keep a camera in my purse for such rare photographic opportunities. For example, on Christmas eve, I made an appearance at church when, surprise, who walks in the door....Joel Anthony from the Miami Heat. Granted it's not the biggest catch of the day (i.e. Dwyane myfuturebabydaddy Wade), but I was the only one who got a picture thanks to my trusty camera!

SEE



And there was the time on South Beach when I was in high school, when I caught Tyson Beckford on a moped chillin', actin' all high siddidy with his old gay ass....got his picture too!!

Anyhoo, I digress...

So New Year's Eve, my buddy and partner in crime, Leannie, calls me up to head on over to Walmart to pick up a few things for our impromptu countdown party. As we were debating over chicken vs. pork, this man, this creature, his head (!!!) passed right in front of my line of vision. Needless to say I was SPEECHLESS! The absurdity. The audacity. The what-the-fuckery.

My eyes quickly sought out Leannie's to see if her reaction confirmed what I'd just witnessed. Could it be true? Was my mind playing tricks on me?? She saw it, I saw it, hell every shopper snickering in his wake saw it, and I knew we all WERE NOT hallucinating.

I had to see it again though, and as we were in the macaroni aisle, he surfaced again. There he was, in his own world talking on his cell phone, drawing even more unnecessary attention to himself, by being loud and pacing the lane like an expectant father in a hospital hallway. And upon further inspection, his absolutely bald head (save for the small tuft of hair to the top, like Homer Simpson) was plastered with the thick black paint used to cover up minor bald spots. Yes, this fool spray painted his WHOLE HEAD, and his hairline, which included a perfectly formed widow's peak, was now dripping down his face and neck (due to nervous sweating, perhaps??).

I knew then and there that I had to have a picture. This had to be immortalized. People would not believe me if I told this tale without proof. So as I reached into my purse to pull out my light blue camera (conspicuous much?) to capture this fleeting myth before me, I came up empty. Crikey!!! Just the night before, I was uploading pictures to the evil that is facebook, and had forgotten to put my camera back. And since I'm the lone person on the planet whose phone DOESN'T come with a camera, I thought all was lost....

...until Leannie came through with her phone! And she became my camerawoman dodging aisles, shelves, and shopping carts AND risked getting cussed out (since ol' painthead and his wingman got hip to game and began evading us like paparazzi) to take the picture. Granted it was probably in bad taste, and extremely rude of us to harass this man who was just trying to pick up a few Walmart goods, but on the other hand he should have known better, and should have taken a hard, cold look in the mirror before leaving the house in that state.

So without further delay, I bring to you my proof! Mind you, the pics are very much in the vein of Bigfoot & the Loch Ness Monster...a little hard to see, and blurry, but it's better than nothing.

Exhibit #1


Exhibit #2