O-BA-MA...O-BA-MA!!

We have a new president y'all!! (Did I set the movement back with that "y'all" at the end??)

Okay granted, he was elected months ago, so we all knew that, but yesterday made it official! And boy was I holding my ass, like I was watching a big game. In my last post I noted how much I love football; and along with basketball, those are the two sports that I regularly watch on TV.

So, because of this, and because of my superstitious nature, I've developed some habits that I use to ensure good luck. First of them being that I ALWAYS cross my fingers, and I keep them crossed until half-time, where I allow myself a small break. Then I re-cross for the remainder of the game. And if I must eat or use the bathroom (Yes, I can manage to wipe AND wash my hands after), best believe that the fingers remain crossed!!

And the second of my many superstitions is that I hold on to my teddy bear, Eddie Pantuso, but I only bring him out for the BIG games, where all things are on the line!!

I tend to look a little something like this:

When things are good



When things are bad



Crazy look yes, but quite effective.

If I for whatever reason uncross the fingers, or can't find Eddie during a crucial game, then I'm just about certain that my team will lose...(I'm sorry for all the Heat, Dolphins and Hurricanes losses that I may have inadvertently caused.)

Okay so with that said, and with Obama being sworn in as the 44th P.O.T.U.S. AND being the numero UNO African American President, I certainly couldn't leave things up to chance, (white some people have been known to be crazy sometimes). So I treated this like the BIG GAME...the NBA Finals, the Super Bowl, the BCS Championships times 10!

And I kept my fingers crossed and Eddie nearby as he swore in, and again as he braved walking down the pavement during the parade route; and all went relatively smooth...thanks to me!



I laughed, I cried, and I felt pure elation for the significance of this day, and witnessing this piece of history. I hope one day I can pass this story on to my children, who will hopefully have a better future, in part because of this man:

I saw London, and a BIT more than France...

Yes, I ADORE football.

I am not your average girl. I actually watch football for the love of the sport. I actually understand the game, and I can intelligibly spout off stats and commentary with the male species, without much aid from ESPN cliffs notes.

However, the difference between dudes and I, is that unlike those inflicted with a Y-chromosome, I can truly enjoy the gratuitous show of delicious bodies that show up on the gridiron week in and out for the 16 weeks in the fall (much like the umpteen women that watch only for this reason). So it was with sheer delight, and banshee shrieking that my hawkish eyes chanced upon this gem that, only symbolically **sigh**, dropped in my lap today.



Let's take a closer look...shall we??



Pause. Drool. Napkin. Wipe. Drool. Sigh. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Kinda makes you wanna drop in his lap, no??

Yes, in fact, I'll call this a belated birthday/Christmas gift, courtesy of Dominique Rogers-Cromartie, who before today, I had little knowledge of. He's a rookie, and maybe it was a rookie mistake, but I'll be waiting come Super Bowl time to see if he'll make it again!

**POST SCRIPT SIDE NOTE**

If I haven't turned you ladies out there into football fans with that...then feast on...err...allow me to introduce Minnesota Viking's tight end Visanthe Shiancoe. (<----NOT safe for work)

Y'all can thank me later...*wink*.

Quadruple by-pass burger, anyone???

There's a fat person inside all of us, but does your inner fat person know when, "Dammit I need to stop?!?!"

Now I've been tempted by some pretty tasty burgers in my day....and granted, I really enjoy eating Publix cupcakes, and Wing Stop french fries, and Cool Ranch Doritos, and sweet & sour chicken/fried rice combo... (mmmmm, excuse me whilst wipe the drool from my chin) just as much as the next overweight gal or guy, but know not to eat ALL that in one setting...and I certainly don't like to temp fate like this:




Makes me want to run to the nearest toilet bowl, just to throw up my morning bowl of Cheerios, and jog around the block a couple of times, and pull out the Billy Blanks to make sure my arteries don't start clogging. Maybe that's just me??

Grandmas tell the best stories...

So here was the exchange last night between my mother, and my visiting 3-year-old nephew when he asked her to read him a bedtime story (without the book):

Nephew: Grandma, please read me a Nemo bedtime stowwy.

My mother: Once upon a time, there was a red fish named Nemo; and I don't know what the hell happened to Nemo...

Oh poor Nemo.

There's always some truth to myths.

Nessie. Yeti. Bigfoot. Leprechauns. Unicorns. Gummy Bears. Smurfs. The One.

What do all of these things have in common? They're all mythical creatures that are impossible to find, and so you cry out "bullshit!" when you hear that someone has tracked them down. Yet despite the lack of evidence, somewhere in the crevices of your mind, you know they're out there lurking, begging to be caught, and brought to light. Now, let's add another mythical beast to the ever-growing list. Another anomaly that maybe you've heard about, maybe you haven't, but nonetheless is out there in broad daylight taunting me, and the dozens or hundreds of others that have been privy to witness the sight!

The guy who abuses bald spot concealers.

I know what you're thinking. "WTF?? There's no such thing." But I'm telling you now there is! I saw him with my own two eyes...at Walmart. Lemme explain.



**SIDE NOTE**
Rarely am I ever caught without my camera. Ever since I was a budding photojournalist in high school, I usually try to keep a camera in my purse for such rare photographic opportunities. For example, on Christmas eve, I made an appearance at church when, surprise, who walks in the door....Joel Anthony from the Miami Heat. Granted it's not the biggest catch of the day (i.e. Dwyane myfuturebabydaddy Wade), but I was the only one who got a picture thanks to my trusty camera!

SEE



And there was the time on South Beach when I was in high school, when I caught Tyson Beckford on a moped chillin', actin' all high siddidy with his old gay ass....got his picture too!!

Anyhoo, I digress...

So New Year's Eve, my buddy and partner in crime, Leannie, calls me up to head on over to Walmart to pick up a few things for our impromptu countdown party. As we were debating over chicken vs. pork, this man, this creature, his head (!!!) passed right in front of my line of vision. Needless to say I was SPEECHLESS! The absurdity. The audacity. The what-the-fuckery.

My eyes quickly sought out Leannie's to see if her reaction confirmed what I'd just witnessed. Could it be true? Was my mind playing tricks on me?? She saw it, I saw it, hell every shopper snickering in his wake saw it, and I knew we all WERE NOT hallucinating.

I had to see it again though, and as we were in the macaroni aisle, he surfaced again. There he was, in his own world talking on his cell phone, drawing even more unnecessary attention to himself, by being loud and pacing the lane like an expectant father in a hospital hallway. And upon further inspection, his absolutely bald head (save for the small tuft of hair to the top, like Homer Simpson) was plastered with the thick black paint used to cover up minor bald spots. Yes, this fool spray painted his WHOLE HEAD, and his hairline, which included a perfectly formed widow's peak, was now dripping down his face and neck (due to nervous sweating, perhaps??).

I knew then and there that I had to have a picture. This had to be immortalized. People would not believe me if I told this tale without proof. So as I reached into my purse to pull out my light blue camera (conspicuous much?) to capture this fleeting myth before me, I came up empty. Crikey!!! Just the night before, I was uploading pictures to the evil that is facebook, and had forgotten to put my camera back. And since I'm the lone person on the planet whose phone DOESN'T come with a camera, I thought all was lost....

...until Leannie came through with her phone! And she became my camerawoman dodging aisles, shelves, and shopping carts AND risked getting cussed out (since ol' painthead and his wingman got hip to game and began evading us like paparazzi) to take the picture. Granted it was probably in bad taste, and extremely rude of us to harass this man who was just trying to pick up a few Walmart goods, but on the other hand he should have known better, and should have taken a hard, cold look in the mirror before leaving the house in that state.

So without further delay, I bring to you my proof! Mind you, the pics are very much in the vein of Bigfoot & the Loch Ness Monster...a little hard to see, and blurry, but it's better than nothing.

Exhibit #1


Exhibit #2

Not quite the year of the Dolphins...

...but still a successful year nonetheless.

Granted, I wasn't here to witness the downfall of last year, nor most of the return to respectability this year, but I was catching the tail end of something special. Maybe it was too much to hope that we'd go all the way this year, after having went 1-15 last year, and having not made the playoffs since 2001, AND the fact that we haven't played in an AFC championship game since 1992.

But the fact that we DID go 11-5 this year is Cinderella story enough. Huge turnaround. Loads of respect. Had this been any other season, where we were touted highly to be the "Super Bowl or Bust" team (a la the JETS) then we, like the affore mentioned suckers, would have been a bust. And Miamians all around would curse the team, and prepare themselves to hop off the flaming bandwagon until the party got roaring again. (Yeah, I have to admit, that Miami-fans, of ALL sports, are the worse at supporting the teams when they suck. There's no Bostonian/Chicagoan pride here. Uh-uh. You lose. You suck. We'll holla at ya when there're more W's posted.)

But this year, no one suspected a season this good. One might've thought a mediocre turn around, but I doubt anyone thought playoffs, much less a winning record. So though we lost today, it's not a loss to weep over. We can still hold our heads high. We enjoyed the ball since we were lucky to have been invited. Now we'll just feast on smashed pumpkins, pick up our glass slipper, and tuck it away until next year to give us the motivation to get to the big dance.