Temptation is a bitch...

...but success kicks her ass!!

So despite my horrible, horrible, horrible family (minus my bro-in-law the only cheering me on) tempting me with

carne asada


spagetti,


pork chops,



wing stop with french fries (!!!),


pico,
(sorry no picture, but true Nicaraguans know what the hell I'm talking about!)

chocolate pudding,


and much, much more....


....I managed to stay STRONG during my 10-day attempt at the Master Cleanse (a.k.a.: The Beyonce' Dreamgirls Diet).

This makes me hate her more...damn you Beyonce and your perfect body!!!!

So I got back from Japan, and slowly but surely I saw my waistline, coming right on back, (the coke-bottle figure was starting to look a little like the Kool-Aid Man) and since I didn't have the rodeo-pro to stave off the weight, I knew something drastic had to be done before I got back to being a size I was unhappy with.

Thus after much inner-wrangling, I decided to do the Master Cleanse for 10-days. I know you're not supposed to do it to lose weight and it's all about the inner cleansing, yadi-yada...but after I heard/read that Beyonce did it for like 15 days and lost 22 lbs, I was like: "I'm on it!"

So here's a brief run down on my trial run.

(SEE HERE for the recipe, and method behind the madness).

Starting weight: (not sure, because like an asshole, I forgot to weigh in....however, I had weighed myself a few weeks earlier and at that point I was, **breathe in-breathe out**) 173 lbs.

Day One:
Horrible beginning. I woke up drank down the salt water flush, but instead of drinking 1 quart of water with 2 teaspoons of salt, I mixed in THREE TABLESPOONS. (Please never make this mistake.) After gagging this nastiness down, I decided it was far too early to be up--as I'm sooo not a morning person--and went back to bed. So, I tried to sleep, but my belly kept doing flips since this thing is supposed to make ya, ummm...go. But I couldn't, and it felt more like it wanted to come back up the way it went down, which it did unpleasantly when I brushed my teeth. NOT FUN!

Anyhoo, after that I felt better, proceeded to make my "lemonade" (of freshly squeezed lemons, grade B organic maple syrup, cayenne pepper & water) and drank my breakfast. It was tasty and pleasant enough and I enjoyed it. However, what I began to notice was that, I never before noticed how much I think about food. I was like, "ooh lunch/dinner/snack" but then realized, "nope, just lemonade." Very much a psychological brain fuck. NOT FUN!

I made it well through the day, until my oh, so thoughtful mom put on the damn Food Network (good way to tease a starving person), until I couldn't take it any longer, and ended up going to bed early @ 9:00. Did I mention: NOT FUN!

Day 2:
Attempted the salt water flush again, made it down fine (now that I properly followed directions), but it was still unpleasant to drink. I never got "hungry" per se, but I realized I missed chewing, yes just CHEWING on something. The pulp in the lemonade kinda helped, but not enough. And then I noticed that the last bit of the lemonade was the worst, because all the cayenne pepper sunk to the bottom, and it made the drink spicy and kinda yuck!

Days 3-7:
I kept it up, drinking my drank tirelessly, and resisting all the temptations and stupid jokes to make me "feel better" about my diet. It didn't help matters when my nose became this supersonic smelling machine. I once opened the microwave to make my nightly tea, and the bread fell out, and I was like, "Mmmm, bread!!!"

By day 5, the salt water was easy to drink, but then the lemonade started getting REALLY MONOTONOUS!! (Think Ben Stein's voice droning on and on forever!) I dreamt of eating real food, (even though I wasn't at ALL hungry)...and like I said, my family was sooooo unkind in my plight. But by day 7 I saw my waistline come back, and I figured I'd thug it out for one more day before I gave up, officially (especially since I was running out of maple syrup, and I just didn't want to have to buy more).

Day 8:
I soooooo didn't want to even touch the damn lemonade. Mentally, I'd already given up since I just wanted to eat already, and since I figured I'd reached my goal anyway. I drank some of it for breakfast, and filled up on water for the rest of the day, until dinner, where I made a new batch without as much cayenne pepper and a smidge more maple syrup! That was tolerable, and I looked forward to today when I could gracefully tap out of the ring!

Today:
So I woke up and weighed myself.....dun-dun-DUN! I was elated to see that I got down to 158 lbs.!!! And that's by not even making it to day 10. So approximately 15 lbs. in 8 days! I'll take that!! So now I just can't eff it up by driving to my nearest Taco Bell, like I really want to do....damn it. =(

So maybe I can really, REALLY--like for REAL-REAL, not for play-play--get to working on that New Years resolution #4. I lost the poundage, now I just gotta keep it off.

But like I said, I kicked temptation's ASS....so I deserve a cookie!

Instead though, I'll sign off with the eloquent words of the cookie connoisseur, Mr. Cookie Monster: C is for cookie, and that's good enough for me.